Trip Across The Country, 2000

(All of these pictures are thumbnails and can be clicked for a larger size.)

If you're gonna do the cross country drive, definitely do it with someone. If you're lucky, like me, you do it with someone who is entertaining and who doesn't kill you when you sing along to the radio (or CDs).

Here is a picture of me and my friend Brad who made the trek with me from Philadelphia to Los Angeles. We did it in seven days, leaving on Saturday morning and arriving in Los Angeles in the late afternoon on Friday, a week later. Without him to share the driving, I'm sure I would have driven into a ditch out of exhaustion, frustration, loss of direction or a cat pouncing onto my lap.

Yo. Big ups, B. You da man.

And thank you all you fine peeps in Philly who helped me load my crap into a Penske truck and head westward. I love you all.

There are times when thr trip got tiresome but never really exhausting or all that bad. Brad and I switched seats every two or three hours to give the driver a break. But that didn't mean that the passenger could just zone out. Whoever wasn't driving had to be Cat Wrangler.

For the first two days, Aunt Clara and Gladys Kravitz spent the day in their cages. But on the third day, we let them out and they became very good travelers. They slept most of the time but sometimes invaded the driver's space and they had to be removed and placed somewhere less precarious.

AC would often sleep in the lap of the passenger or on the dashboard (which was my favorite place for her because other travelers could see her and smile at us). And GK would curl up in the -- brace yourself for this -- LITTER BOX where she was most comfortable.

We stopped for the night in:

Hilliard, Ohio,

St. Louis, MO,

Hays, KS,

Denver, CO,

And lastly, St. George, Utah

Mostly we stayed in hotels and gathered up the cats in the morning to carry them in their cages into the truck. They usually hid and we had to find them under sheets or beds or in drawers. But they gave up easily once they were located. It was like they thought, "Well, at least we tried."

One morning, they were each under a different bed, out of sight from each other, hiding in the exact positions on the left side under the mattress near the head of the bed.

For a while in Ohio, we entertained ourselves by Brad looking at the atlas and asking me to name the state capitals. Let's just say that I could play that game much better when I was in the third grade.

Next game was I had to say three cities in each state that he named. I happened to know that several states have a city named "Newark" so naturally I guessed that very often. So often, in fact, that Brad ruled Newark to be an illegal answer! Even if there was a Newark in the state! I found this to be a highly objectionable practice and the game dissolved soon after that.

Another day, as we drove across Indiana, Brad was pulled over by the state police.

What happened was Mr. Bradley "flagrantly disdainful of Indiana laws" Russell claimed he had no idea that in this state, if there's a cop car or other emergency vehicle along the right side of the road, cars must move into the left lane as they go by it.

Well, we were pulled over by some officer and we are duly informed of this law. It didn't seem to matter that this law wasn't posted for us to see. He probably pulled us over because our Penske truck had an Indiana license plate. But we explained that we're from Pennsylvania on our way to California. We showed him our licenses, rental truck contract, opened the truck for him to see my worldly possessions so it was obvious we were not from "around here". But it didn't really matter.

Behind his back, we made smart-ass cracks about what Bradley could do to change his the officer's mind about this little misunderstanding. But it didn't come to pass. In actuality, even his uniform didn't make him very attractive, and in the end, Brad was issued a COMPLAINT AND SUMMONS to appear in the Knightstown Indiana courthouse on June 20th.

So we'll see what comes of this. I encouraged Brad to tear up the paper and just be a wanted man in Indiana. That seemed very sexy to me. But I have a feeling that Brad will try to call the courthouse and explain to them how stupid they are.

Later in the day, after Brad's run-in with the law, I'm at the wheel, I'm off the Interstate on some side road looking for a gas station. ($1.72 a gallon here. It would get as high as $1.84 in the desert.) Anyway, I've just made my 3rd u-turn of the day. Brad seemed to think they were illegal. I saw no sign signifying that. He raises his hand and says, "I wish to register a complaint with the Universe... about Don's bad driving and lack of repercussions..."

Incidentally, it took us a day and a half to realize there is a sticker on the dashboard indicating that the truck has a speed governer on it which keeps us from going no more than 70 mph.

In St. Louis, our hotel was about three blocks from the arch. Looking down at the (very muddy) Mississippi River, we could see a parking lot right beside the riverbank. One car was so badly manuevered, it was halfway in the river. Water up to the doors in the back end.

We spent two nights near Denver at Brad's parents' house and they took us to the Rocky Mountain National Park to see the peaks and tundra (who knew?) up there. This was in the middle of the trip and it was a well appreciated break from the road.

One day in Colorado we stopped for lunch at a restaurant called The Pastry Hut and entertained ourselves by reading the various kitchy things on the walls including a sign listing the 10 Commandments. We determined that Brad had broken only two of them, which I thought was very impressive. I did not divulge my score.

Oh, I wanted to make sure I wrote down that one day in the desert we passed another rental truck like ours and in the driver's seat was a young guy. On his lap was a young woman facing him with her dressed hiked up to her waist. It seemed to me that they were trying to "do it" in every state.

If that's the case, what they were doing doesn't count because you have to get out of the vehicle and "do it" on solid ground.

We passed them but I wish I had slowed down again and let them catch up to us so I could snap a picture.

On our night in Utah, we ate dinner and then caught a showing of Disney's dumb movie, "Dinosaur". It looked great. Very engaging visually. But the story is lame and the dialogue just makes your eyes roll. 's recommendation: Rent it and watch it with the sound off.

On Friday, we pulled into my apartment complex around 4:30 or so and I asked some folks hanging around out front if they'd be interested in helping us unload the truck for $20 apiece. Two guys volunteered and the four of us got it done in an hour.

On Saturday, we unpacked many boxes and put up contact paper in the kitchen shelves. Had lunch at Sizzler down the street and chatted with a woman named Pat who was also eating. I spoke to her because she was reading a well-worn copy of "A Course in Miracles". She welcomed me to the neighborhood and we exchanged phone numbers and she told me she'd put me in touch with these good friends of hers who are a gay couple. One is a Lutheran minister and his partner is an atheist. So, I guess I'm meeting people. I just hope the atheist is a casting director because I need to be meeting people like that out here.

Brad and I had dinner with Mindy (who I know from New York and whom I know Brad through) and Robin whom I know from New York also. The three of us live about five minutes from each other which is kinda swell. We ate garlic chicken at a cuban restauant and then made chocolate chip cookies at Mindy's house and babbled until about 1 am.

That was the evening that Brad mentioned he only got annoyed with me for about 10 minutes out of the entire trip. I am much too much of a gentleman to quantify Brad's annoyance factor.

I just plugged in the computer after I got in from purchasing a refrigerator. Yes, that's right; apts in LA don't come with a fridge in them. There's just a big space between the counters where they belong. So I get to drink warm water and eat granola bars until the thing is delivered sometime on Tuesday.

This week, I'll probably buy a car. Then look for something to earn me some money. Then get new headshots taken. Hunt for an agent. Do some writing. Swim in the pool. Join a wacky religion. Go vegetarian. Get liposuction. And earthquake-proof my shelves and cabinets.

* * *

Since the above text was written, I've bought myself a car. It's a 1970 VW Beetle and I am the fourth owner of it. I love it but I have no real reason for doing so. It has no air conditioner. It prefers leaded gasoline which is no longer available. It often pops out of third gear when driving along the canyon roads.

But these are minor quibbles and I will keep it until it's time for me to pass it along to someone else. Or until it kills me.

What else is new.... Let's face it, it's too sunny and beautiful in L. A. I need a thunderstorm.

There are boxes of stuff I can't bother to unpack. (It's artwork, photos, pics in frames, candles) I'm feeling like I don't want to put up everything from my old apt because this is a new place and it needs new things. On the other hand, I feel like "why should I put stuff up if an earthquake is going to come and knock it all down". It's a conundrum.

Last week I finally did break down and buy a cell phone. I felt like the only person in California without one and I could no longer stand the pressure. I got the earpiece/microphone so I don't get a brain tumor. I won't let a brain tumor stand in the way of my fate which is to die in a car crash.

It's a fine little phone system. The thing has call waiting, caller id, a phone book, games (?!) but I felt like a twit because I couldn't get the dang telephone to work. I had to go back to Pacific Bell the next day and talk with the guy. The conversation went like this: He said, "How can I help you?"

"I'm having problems with my phone."

"Which features can I help you with?"

"How do I make a call?"

Other customers at the counter laughed at me.

But it turns out that I'm not an idiot. I wasn't getting a signal in my apartment! But I didn't realize that. I want to go back to him now and explain what was really going down. And I need to find that couple who laughed at me. They must know the truth.

Scott came up from San Diego last week and that was cool because we hadn't seen each other since I moved from NYC to Philly in '97. He was with me at Pac Bell when I was humiliated by my phone.

What else am I doing...? Misplacing things, actually. Can't find my passport. Can't find my clip-on sunshades ($40). It's sad to be this pathetic.

So. I'm earning a bit of money with my mad computer sKillZ. I'm tired of the 'puter though. If I'm not using it for getting dates, I can't really get excited about it anymore.

In August, I saw a concert by this band called Sparks which I got turned onto when in Philly. Here is a review and some pix and thoughts about their show.

And recently I met Kevin and not only is he a lot of fun, he took me to the George Clinton/Paliament concert in Anaheim. Thank you, Kevin.

The day I met Kevin (who was performing Moliere in a Culver City park), Robin and I explored Venice Beach in the afternoon and strolled along the canals. Here is a pic of that area. It's pretty cool because some of the homes are great to look at and the canals are a kick. The thing is, though, that there used to be more of them but naturally developers have paved over most of them.

There. That's all the news that's fit to print. You don't need to know about the sudden and unplanned trip to Toronto in August.