Are You Stressed Out?

Take This Short Test. Add up your points and check your prognosis below.

1. If you start the coffee maker with your mug where the carafe should be, score 5 points. [But score 25 points if you put your mouth where the mug should be.]
2. If you wash down your Avidin with your first cup of coffee in the morning, score 10 points.
3. If you routinely open the microwave oven's door with only 1 second left, score 5 points.
4. If you drink alone -- or with others, score another 15 points.
5. If you worry about what others think of you, score 25 points. (Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha! What a Dado Head!)
6. If you finish other people's sentences -- even when they aren't talking to you, score 5 points.
7. If you are an Assistant Professor, score 100 points.
8. If you often use a "Voice Mail Malfunction" as an excuse for not receiving messages, score 5 points. [Score 25 more points if you blame WinDoze95 for lost email. Subtract 25 points if you are a Mac User.]
9. If you can't sleep worrying about how little sleep you are getting, score 5 points. [Score another 15 points for each child you have -- add 10 points for each teenager.]
10. If the last time you got any meaningful aerobic exercise was when you assaulted the copy machine, score 10 points.

• If your total score is between 0 and 20, you are a liar. Shame on you! (See questions 5, above.)
• If your score is between 21 and 50, you are normal (i.e., moderately stressed).
• If your score is between 51 and 100, you are very stressed. We recommend that you stop taking these stupid tests!
• If your score is > 100, then you are in deep doo-doo. Try to take things less seriously (By the way: You probably won't get tenure).