Tom Nolen's Home Page (Last Updated:2/27/Y2K+9)

Thomas G. Nolen, PhD
"Everything I needed to know in
kindergarten I learned in grad school."

Associate Professor and Chair
Department of Biology
State University of New York*
1 Hawk Drive
New Paltz, NY 12561
845-257-3770
Tom's email address

"Retirement is wasted
on the old."

"I'm NOT getting gray,
I'm a Silverback!"

B.A. Aquatic Biology, University of California, Santa Barbara
M.A. Organismal Biology, University of California, Santa Barbara
Ph.D. Neurobiology and Behavior, Cornell University
NIH Postdoctoral Fellow, Department of Psychology, Yale University
Grass Fellow, Marine Biological Laboratory, Woods Hole
S.W. Kuffler Fellow, Marine Biological Laboratory, Woods Hole
Excellence in Teaching Award, University of Miami
Board of Directors, Catskill-Hudson Area Health Education Center (CHAHEC)
Charter Member, Woods Hole Branch of Tappa Kegga Bru
Family Genealogy: The Nolens and the Tillmans

"In religion and politics, people's
beliefs and convictions are in almost
every case gotten at second-hand, and
without examination."

- Mark Twain

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You can send me email! Tom's email address
(please put the words "Ot-nay Am-spay" in
the Subject line -- I'm having to filter out junk
e-mail!!! ... what is this world coming to?)

Snail-Mail:
SUNY New Paltz
Department of Biology
1 Hawk Drive
New Paltz, NY 12561

~~~~~~~~~~ snail

"No man has a good enough
memory to be a successful liar."
--- Abe Lincoln

The New Face of the Republican Party

Now THAT's Change we can believe in!

Some Definitions

Wardrobe Malfunction: A temporary loss of judgment that reveals to the world that you are a complete boob.

Common Usage:
"I am sorry if anyone was offended by the wardrobe malfunction during the halftime performance at the Super Bowl."

--- Justin Timberlake

Boob: See NFL.

Punk'd: See MTV.

palmtree My research and teaching interests include animal behavior; neuroethology (the neural basis of natural, adaptive behavior); behavioral physiology; sensory mechanisms and integration; and the development of learning in invertebrates. A description of my ongoing research programs can be accessed by clicking here ---> Research. Links to current course information, syllabi, lecture schedules, reading assignments, study guides and sample exam questions can be accessed by clicking here ---> Course Info.

"Why of course the people don't want war. ... That is understood. But after all it is the leaders of the country who determine the policy, and it is always a simple matter to drag the people along, whether it is a democracy, or a fascist dictatorship, or a parliament, or a communist dictatorship ...Voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is to tell them they are being attacked, and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same in any country.

Who Said This? GW Bush? Saddam Hussein?

"Publishers now employ more people to censor books for content
that might offend any organized lobbying group, than
they do to check the correctness of facts."
--Professor John Hubisz

"They want the federal government controlling Social Security
like it's some kind of federal program."
-- GW Bush, St. Charles, MO
(USA Today, 11/2/2000)

American troops found that the fleeing Baath Party and paramilitary forces had set up minefields on roads and bridges leading out of the city. Late today an American engineering team was clearing the third of such fields, this one with 30 mines, by detonating them with C4 explosives.
Lt. Col. Duke Deluca, noting that the mines had been made in Italy, said, "Europeans are antiwar, but they are pro-commerce."

--- JIM DWYER, (NY Times Online, 4/02/03)

"You ain't learnin' nothin' when you're talkin'."
--- a sign in US Senator Lyndon B. Johnson's office.

"I want to thank all my citizens for coming."
--- GW Bush (10/31/2002, in Aberdeen, SD)

"Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day;
teach him to use the Web and he won't bother you for weeks on end."

Culture Shock: When East and West Collide

"Your Karma ran over my Dogma!"

Rules of Thumb

What you don't know,
won't hurt you (Don't ask, don't tell).

Aviation Factoids

1932:
Amelia Earhart becomes the first woman to fly nonstop across the United States, traveling from Los Angeles to Newark, N.J., in just over 19 hours.

(Today that same trip takes ... about the same time .... longer if you have to drive to the airport and find long term parking.)

1937:
Amelia Earhart and her navigator Fred Noonan are apparently lost in the central Pacific while attempting an equitorial circumnavigation of the globe.

(It is surprising that there is a designer line of luggage called the Amelia Earhart Collection.)

(The industry euphemism to categorize lost luggage is: Earharted -- 'it took a trip and never returned ....')

Star Trek Guide to Pop Sociology

How women see men:
"Men aren't from Mars! They're from the planet Vulcan!"

How men see women:
"Women aren't from Venus, they're the Borg!"

More truth about men and women:

Ever get the feeling you are on
different wavelengths?

"Are you spongeworthy ?"
... more importantly, are you stab-worthy? ...

Dilbert Cartoon

"Sometimes you have to go with the husband you have and not with the husband you would have liked to have."

-- TGN, 1/12/07

The 'Possum Lodge Man's Prayer:

I am a MAN!

..... but i can change ...

......... if i have to ...

.............. i guess ...

"Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day.
Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day
each Saturday, for the rest of his life."

Don't Go There
Names of Recently Failed Resturants

Mad Cow Steakhouse
Usually, its: "Location, Location, Location,"
but in this case I believe its:
"Timing, Timing, Timing" ......

Bodacious Ta-Ta's
Although a vegetarian eatery specializing
in stuffed baked potatoes, they were often
confused with Hooters

Say WHAT?????

"I expect Hooters Air to bounce along until they go bust ...
It is proof that there is no shortage of stupid ideas in the airline business."
-HENRY HARTEVELDT, quoted on MSNBC, 3/6/03

(... and, in fact Hooters Air DID go bust in the spring of 2006 ....)

"Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day.
Teach him how to fish, and he will deplete a natural resource.
Teach a man eco-management, and he'll be unemployed and in need of a fish each day."
-- D. Schamus

Actual Headlines:

800-POUND MARLIN SPEARS FISHERMAN --- CNN.com 7/24/06	NASCAR CHAMP JOHNSON BREAKS WRIST IN GOLF CART FALL --- CNN.com 12/11/06	PYTHONS CHOMPING UP GATORS IN EVERGLADES --- -- CNN.com 12/20/06
TRANSPLANT GIRL RECEIVES OWN HEART --- CNN.com 4/14/06	MONKS CLASH AT MONASTERY, SEVEN HURT --- CNN.com 12/20/06	MAN DRIVING WITH WIFE'S HEAD CAUSES CRASH --- -- CNN.com 6/16/06
REALITY BITES: ROBOTS COULD DEMAND INDEPENDENCE --- CNN.com 12/21/06	ARMY ASKS KILLED SOLDIERS TO SIGN UP AGAIN --- CNN.com 1/5/07	CAT GORGES ON STOLEN FOOD, GETS STUCK IN DOOR --- -- CNN.com 1/12/07
INFERTILITY UNLIKELY TO BE PASSED ON --- Montgomery Advertiser	STUDY FINDS SEX, PREGNANCY LINK --- Cornell Daily Sun	PANDA MATING FAILS, VETERINARIAN TAKES OVER --- cited by Peter Lytle in GUFFAWS
LARGER KANGAROOS LEAP FARTHER, RESEARCHERS FIND --- The Los Angeles Times	OFFICIAL: ONLY RAIN WILL CURE DROUGHT --- The Herald-News, Westpost, Massachusetts	TYPHOON RIPS THROUGH CEMETERY, HUNDREDS DEAD --- cited by Peter Lytle in GUFFAWS
TEEN-AGE GIRLS OFTEN HAVE BABIES FATHERED BY MEN --- The Sunday Oregonian	LACK OF BRAINS HINDERS RESEARCH --- The Columbus Dispatch	MAN STRUCK BY LIGHTNING FACES BATTERY CHARGE --- cited by Peter Lytle in GUFFAWS
ASSISTANT PRINCIPAL ARRESTED FOR STABBING SELF --- The Daily Freeman, Kingston, NY	BRITISH LEFT WAFFLES ON FALKLAND ISLANDS --- cited by Peter Lytle in GUFFAWS	WAR DIMS HOPE FOR PEACE --- cited by Peter Lytle in GUFFAWS
JAYWALKING CHICKEN TICKETED --- CNN.com, 5/29/05	FIGHT BREAKS OUT AT ANGER MANAGEMENT MEETING --- The Daily Freeman, Kingston, NY	ECO-TOURIST BOAT CRASH SPILLS FUEL --- CNN.com, 8/01/04
EXPLORERS FIND WORLD'S LARGEST HOLE --- CNN.com	EXPLODING TOADS BAFFLE SCIENTISTS --- CNN.com, 4/27/05	MUMMIFIED BODY FOUND IN CHAIR IN FRONT OF TV --- CNN.com, 1/09/06
LUXURY CRUISE PASSENGERS THREATEN MUTINY --- CNN.com, 1/22/06	JUDGE: FETUSES DO NOT COUNT AS CARPOOLERS --- CNN.com, 1/11/06	US NAVY DESTROYER CAPTURES PIRATE SHIP --- CNN.com, 1/22/06
DOMINARIX BEATS MANSLAUGHTER RAP -- CNN.com, 1/31/06	HEAVY PATIENTS PUT STRAIN ON HOSPITALS -- CNN.com, 4/2/06	US NAVY KILLS PIRATE IN SKIRMISH -- CNN.com, 3/18/06
DEAD SOLDIER TO FATHER KID WITH WOMAN HE NEVER MET -- CNN.com 1/29/07	TALKING URINAL CAKES PREACH AGAINST DUI -- CNN.com 2/11/07	DOCTOR PLAYS WHACK-A-MOLE ON BUSH'S FACE -- CNN.com 2/17/07
MAN DIED, MUMMIFIED IN FRONT OF TV -- CNN.com 2/18/07	SACK OF BABY SKELETONS FOUND BEHIND HOSPITAL -- CNN.com 2/18/07	TWO CLOWNS SHOT DEAD DURING PERFORMANCE (tough crowd) --CNN.com 2/21/07
FIGHT BREAKS OUT AT BOSTON POPS CONCERT -- CNN.com 5/10/07	WOMAN STOPPED WEARING GIRDLE OF LIVE CROCODILES -- CNN.com 3/26/07	TRANSPLANTED HEART TRANSPLANTED AGAIN -- CNN.com 5/11/07
BUZZARDS HALT PLANS FOR NATION'S BIGGEST 'BODY FARM' -- CNN.com 5/11/07	FASHION WRITER SENTENCED TO 20 YEARS (everyone's a critic) -- NYTimes.com 6/18/07	WORKERS RESCUED FROM GIANT VAT OF FISH FECES -- CNN.com 5/12/07
BANK BRANCH BANDIT WEARS TREE DISGUISE -- CNN.com 7/8/07	BLAZE GUTS FIREHOUSE -- Daily Freeman 7/23/07	FULL SWIMMING POOL STOLEN, NOT A DROP SPILLED -- CNN.com 7/26/07
HOUSE TO GRILL MEAT COMPANY CEOs -- CNN.com 2/25/08	BLIND MAN DIES AFTER PALS LET HIM DRIVE -- CNN.com 9/19/07	MAN DECLARED DEAD FEELS 'PRETTY GOOD' -- CNN.com 3/24/08